Author: Kinzoku (AKA Chewy)
Warnings: Slobbery man-kissing.
Pairing(s): Cabbage Salesman/Crazy Foaming Mouth Guy
Author's Notes: I like to try to scare Shen with fanfiction (which always backfires because she ends up enjoying it). She has since told me that I can always be counted on to write the fanfiction no one else will. Hey, I like to challenge myself! Haha, I wrote this last New Years, and it hasn't occurred to me until now to post it in Avatar crack communities.
The cabbage salesman did not know why the sight of a man thrashing in a state of such euphoria that he frothed at the mouth impassioned him so. The man twisted and contorted as if possessed, and the cabbage salesman found himself longing to seize that passionate energy and make it his own. As if in a trance, cabbage man plucked a cabbage from his barrow and slowly made his approach. So enraptured was he, that he did not even flinch when the cart spontaneously exploded behind him in a ball of fire, raining tattered pale green leaves and bits of scorched wood, while people screamed and ran around him.
And then he was standing before the object of his affection, presenting the round vegetable in both hands.
The flailing man seemed to settle briefly under the blank gaze. He looked at the cabbage salesman, first in embarrassment, then in curiosity, then in something unrecognizable. He took the cabbage without looking at it, his shoulder spasming as he reached so that he almost dropped it. Drool and foam dribbling down his chin, he bit into the cabbage with a wet crunch. His face lit with joy and he gave a delighted squeal, flecks of green and spit almost landing on the salesman as he began a show of appreciative gibberish and swaying.
The cabbage salesman could stand it no longer. He lunged forward and clung to the spastic man, who squirmed violently within his tight grasp. He heard the impact of the cabbage against the dusty ground, but did not look. He leaned in, his forehead knocking into his at first, but then he found the correct angle and pressed his mouth to the other man's, slick with drool and froth. The cabbage salesman grew increasingly excited, feeling like he was stealing some of the glorious madness for himself. His contact slipped and he finally withdrew, his face wet with the other man's saliva. The crazed man seemed... stunned. But only for an instant. Then he resumed his wild dance. The cabbage man watched, warm with delight. He recognized a change in the thrashing; this dance was for him.